Monday, February 6, 2012

Why one mum is grateful she had sons...

I’m not parent, but I love being a daughter. I often wonder though if mothers prefer to have sons rather than daughters, and so asked my sister Gisella just some of the reasons she may be grateful for having the gorgeous boys she has – Matt (in front) and Ben – pictured below with her.

Gisella writes: I’m grateful I had sons because...

·  It’s highly unlikely I will ever need to share my clothes, shoes, make-up, perfume, jewellery or handbags with my boys – I’m not so sure about the face cleansing masks though.

·  Nothing beats their height, broad shoulders and strong arms as they give me a special hug; a minimum of one hug per day from each son is required and I’ll accept nothing less.

·  They only need carry-on luggage when travelling because three pair of underpants, two t-shirts, two pair of shorts, a pair of thongs, a toothbrush and a hat is apparently enough for a week.

·  They’ve taught me to laugh at the most random and ridiculous jokes. Sometimes we laugh uncontrollably at nothing at all.

·  I will hopefully one day be a mother-in-law, having honest, loving and lasting relationships with the partners that my sons choose. I want to be the “nice” mother-in-law that everyone is happy to visit.



deanne hull said...

I am fortunate enough to be a mother to 2 boys and a girl and step mum to 2 girls and a boy. I was a sole parent for 14 years being a mum and dad to my children and while I know an awful lot about being a girl it certainly has been a challenge trying to understand boys.

From my experience boys seem tough but underneath they are quite sensitive and can fall very hard for a girl. I love my boys and I know Ihave done a good job of parenting when I see how wonderful they are with their girlfriends.

There are special moments of grunting, eyebrow raising and the usual "oh mum, you know nothing about the internet". But in a crisis I can always count on them to do the right thing.

You would think that you wouldn't have do any personal sharing but in my case, the sharing of my hair grooming equipment ie: straightner, blowdryer and product was getting a bit much.

I am lucky to experience two sides of the coin when it comes to girls and boys, but let me tell you the hormonal years of girls is pure hell compared with boys!

Go boys!

Pirra said...

I don't prefer my sons to my daughter, but how I parent them and my relationships with them are vastly different to the one I have with my daughter. So putting her aside for the moment, reasons I am grateful for my sons....

well all the reasons Gisella has already mentioned.

The art of bullshit. Boys really do have a natural affinity for it. I love the crap that can come tumbling out their mouths on any given day. Sometimes it's wet my pants hysterical, others it's face palming ridiculous and occasionally it's a sit them down on the couch for a lecture on why that is offensive/dangerous/wrong/not on ever.

I am grateful for how willing they are to experience life to its full. For how inquisitive they are. It might be frustrating to walk out to the garage and find your vacuum cleaner in 37 different pieces because they were curious about how it worked...(and that no it still doesn't work but they sure had lot of fun and you got to buy a brand new vacuum) but when they do manage to reassemble and fix something they took apart, there's that pride in knowing they'll be okay. (If , when looking for a partner, they can find a good woman or man who won't let them near the wiring.)

I love how as little boys they were all rough and tumble and story books and cuddles, and that even as one is in his teenage years and the other on the brink, they are still rough and tumble and story books and cuddles.

But I think the thing I am most grateful for is how much my boys taught me about feminism and what my personal brand is and how it keeps evolving as all my kids get older. The way I look at feminist issues as the mother of sons is vastly different to how I view feminist issues as the mother of my daughter.
Mothering boys is the most aggressively feminist thing I have done/am doing. And I wouldn't trade it for the world.

KPB said...

Four boys here. I am grateful for:

- how straightforward they are. No games.

- how simplistic it is to make - and generally keep - them happy: food, more food, some more food, lots of cuddles, lots of rough-housing, knowing they are loved.

- how appreciative of my baking and cooking they are.

- that they notice the slightest thing I do differently. Haircuts, new shoes, new clothes.

- that I will never ever ever have to stand on the side of a netball court.

Gosh, I could go on and on and on.

Anonymous said...

Oh Deanne, the eyebrow raising is so familiar. My boys recently placed me at the lower end of the "scale of intelligence". Nevermind, I reminded them that there is no need for them to ask me for help with their homework, because I simply wouldn't have a clue.

Pirra, Anita and I were talking recently about our own rough and tumble experiences of when we were growing up. We laughed about the occasion I ended up in hospital after Anita put me in a "I was only playing" headlock and cracked my neck. We've finally been able to tell mum the truth, some 30 years on.

Kim, we've just reached the food, more food and "is there any more food" stage in our house (mind you we have 2 refrigerators). I really don't mind, it all goes with the territory of footy playing boys. Netball wouldn't have been my cup of tea either. I'd much prefer to give out a celebratory whistle on the sideline of Matt's Under 10s league game, than shake streamers and pom poms.

Anonymous said...

As a woman who never wanted children, I've been blessed with a pigeon pair. My daughter, almost 9 has the ability to make me question my sanity, my capabilities & my beauty, exterior beauty obviously. I love her dearly, however parenting her does not come naturally, confirming to me that my original sense that parenting was not for me, was indeed accurate.
Then along came my son, almost 14mths, sending my rapidly progressing career into a flaming ball of chaos. Despite his challenging & spectacular entrance into the world, he has convinced me that I might, afterall, have something going for me in this parenting gig. He's far more cuddlier than his big sister at that age, possesses the wackiest sense of humour & generally gives me cause for laughter & the onset of wrestling on the floor. And he's a genius at calming his hysterical sister, a beautiful gift & a loving nature.
Trucks, cars, ramps & eating dirt - I love it!! I participate in all of those, except the dirt eating, I've consumed enough without revisiting that element of my childhood! So far my experience is that raising boys is far less complicated than girls.

Anonymous said...

My son, is very affectionate, cuddly and such a male. From the beginning, my male child was a very different ride to the girls. More active, physical and destructive, he could work out how to manoeuvre things quickly. My son, now a beautiful young man, makes me laugh when the girls can't, I think that is the male female dynamics. He squashes bugs and carries groceries for me, he has fewer words and his room is a bit smelly at times. He is handsome and beautifully masculine and always ready to leave on time. He loves pretty big breasted girls, expensive cars (don't we all) and doesn't care much about what he wears. He is just so male.

Little girls love to copy, play act and dress up. Teenage girls are moody and impossible, but thank God, this is temporary. As young women, my girls are wonderful, strong minded, intelligent and I would say, feminist in their approach to life. However, they do have some stereotypical behaviour; they run and scream when a large spider or cockroach is within reach, they call Dad (as I do) when something looks too heavy, electrical. They are rarely ready to leave when I say it is time to go. As Mother and daughter, we discuss what to wear, we share clothes jewellery, makeup and we love to share more personal stuff than the boys ever will.

All children as they grow up bring their great joys, heart aches and complications. As mothers it is hard yakka bringing up kids and no matter how old they are, they are your children and you are their mother. The younger generations teach us all so much about ourselves and how far we can stretch. They challenge our ideas and help us to grow.